Sunday, December 21, 2008

It Is Not Me...

Really... it is not

It is not me. I am not the problem. I have now come to accept this as a fact. I do not need to lower my standards, or change the type of person that I am. I do not need to dumb myself down, and I am not high maintenance. I do not need to go backwards in order to go forward. It is not me, it is them.

Too many women are being made to feel as though they are the problem and I say that is a big stinking pile of mess. There are those women who are truly trifling and pointless, but I am not talking about them. I am talking about the normal everyday woman. The one who is smart, decent, has her head on her shoulders and basically has her life together. Where are the men for those types of women? Go to any club on any given Friday or Saturday night and who are the men flocking around? Are they flocking around the ladies who are tastefully (and yes you can be sexy and tasteful at the same time) dressed, looking like their mother taught them manners? No they are not. Instead they are panting after the hoetastic chicks wearing a half yard of cloth, if that, whose every movement, word, and deed broadcast to the world that they will do anything to anyone. How is a decent woman supposed to compete with that? Furthermore why should she want to?

Men often tout that they want a "lady in the streets and a freak in the bed" yet they are always (well maybe not always but like 99.995% of the time) going after the freaks and ignoring the ladies. What message does that send to the ladies out there? That they need to drop their manners and home training and take up the banner of hoeness? I should hope not.

I believe that as this year comes to a close, all of us real ladies out there need to stand together and make a pack that no matter what we will not take anymore bull$#!+ from men and women alike. We will not lower our standards to compete with all the hoes and tramps running the streets. We will maintain our dignity and decorum. Our manner of dress will leave a man wanting to know more not knowing all there is to know. Our smiles will blind men because they are beautiful not because they are blinged out. We will understand our worth and govern ourselves accordingly.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

He Got Game?????

Back on the block and ready to drop knowledge on you like a hot bag of nickles.... sometimes the truth hurts....

So true story...

And it goes a little something like this:

Dude: hey you seem like a nice lady, can I call you sometime?
Chick: I don't think that would be a problem. My number is *********
Dude: ok well let me give you my numbers as well.
Chick: ok so I will know who is calling
Dude: well you would have to call me first, you can call me at work and they will find me. My phone is off right now. I will probably put some money on it next week to see if I can get it turned back on..
Chick.................. ***crickets***................

This is a true story. This really happened. Really.


How have we as a society gotten to this point? What point? The point where a guy would feel OK with revealing that type of information. Your phone is cut off because you are behind in payments and you will TRY to put money on it! CTFO now!! (Come The _uck On for those not up on the abbreviations) CTFO!!

According to my logic this is a bad situation all the way around. Why? Well doesn't it stand to reason that if you are behind on the cell phone bill (and first off how high is your bill anyway? who you talking to? what are you doing with that phone?) there are other things that you are behind on? Also, if you are behind on the cell bill because you are playing a game of robbing Peter to pay Paul (which happens sometimes I know but still) then that leaves me to wonder about your money management skills. Futhermore, if you are having a cash flow issue, how are you planning to support the cause of taking someone out?

He got game? Absolutely NOT!

Grade F-

Sunday, November 30, 2008

The hardest thing...

This will probably be the hardest thing that I will have to write. In this season of thanksgiving I have much to be thankful for. On Thursday I traveled to Syracuse to visit my eldest sister and her family. As we sat down to a pretty much traditional Caribbean thanksgiving dinner my brother in law said grace. My dad looked over to me and said he was so glad I was there. That may seem like an odd statement to make but in light of the circumstances it made sense.

You see, according to all accounts, I should not be here. Even after a week and a half it is still hard to wrap my mind around the reality of what happened. Seeing it happen to someone else on television is one thing. Experiencing it first hand...surreal.

According to the witnesses my life and the lives of 3 of my dearest friends should have ended at around 9:15pm on 11/18/08 on a stretch of road outside of Hampton,VA. After watching the car spin out (at 60mph), hit a guard rail, flip over several times, skid on its roof and side, hit another guard rail, then come to a stop one witness said she expected to see bodies. Instead she saw four young women, shaken and bruised, yet alive.

I remember the sounds, the metal scraping, gears grinding, the deafening silence broken only by a whispered "Jesus" followed by an equally quiet "everything will be ok"; the sights, rows of headlights, the stars, sparks flying.

Some said we were lucky, some said it was a miracle. I say that on that road that night life and death stood face to face but mercy stepped in and said NO.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Ranting Auntie 3.0

Happy Birthday to me.

I would like to take this opportunity to first thank God for making me possible and keeping me alive to see the ripe old age of 30. Morning by morning new mercies I definitely see.

Next I would like to thank mommy and daddy for raising me right and smacking the mess out of me when I got out of line, and mommy for reminding me on a fairly regular basis that until the day she dies (and to her way of thinking even after that point) she reserves the right to take me out if I don't act right.

My sisters, blood and otherwise, for reality checks and not taking me as seriously as I take myself.

My little ones for always giving me something to laugh about.

My GDT family for caring and praying.

And last but not least all the haters... hi haters, you see me, and it makes you burn cause you can't be me...

Thank you and goodnight.

The Ranting Auntie

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Put up or Shut up


America voted and as many are touting, the "first black president" has been elected. That being the case I have only one thing to say to "black people"...


It is time to back up all the talk that has been going on with action. So many times people always lament and bemoan the fact that "the man" is holding them down from being where they want to be or reaching their goals. Well if they don't achieve anything now, and don't reach any goals, what will be their excuse now that "the man" is out and "brotha man" is in?

I wonder...

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

One more thing...

If I see Jessie Jackson crying ONE MORE TIME...

I am not sure why as yet but that so irks my spirit...

Oh wait, I remember why now, because Jessie is a hypocrite... yeah I said it....

Was Obama using small enough words for you to understand now Jessie? huh?

I'm going to bed now...


Tuesday, November 4, 2008

What it is all about

While waiting in line to vote today I had the opportunity to speak to an 80 year old woman from North Carolina. In response to the statement "what is the point of voting? what can one vote do?" she had this to offer:

"If you had come up how I came up, when I came up, you would understand why I would stand on this line all day long if I had to. I never thought I would live to see the day when it was even possible for someone who looked like me to even have the chance to run for an office much less the office of president and that I would be able to vote. I was one of 15 children. We worked the cotton fields earning $.50 a bushel. A black person in office was not even something I could ever think about. But I thank God that I lived to see the day when it happened."

Regardless of party affiliations, regardless of who you voted for and why, this is what it is all about. The right to vote. The right to have our voices heard. My generation has always had the right to vote, and sometimes I think that we forget what the generations before us had to go through to secure that right for us. Today I spoke to a woman who knew what it was like not to be able to vote because of the colour of her skin, who knew what it was like to be afraid to vote because to do so could have cost her her life. I was humbled by her words to me today, and as I pulled that lever to cast my vote I did so with a respectful understanding and with a sense of profound gratitude towards those who went before me and made it possible for me to do so.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Sellout and Turncoat...

The insults and character defamation has begun...

Ok so as stated earlier, anyone who knows me knows that I generally do not discuss politics, however for the second time in this election process I am annoyed enough to say something.

I have a real problem with the way the Colin Powell endorsement is being treated.

The hypocrisy of it all is just mind blowing.

Black people and Democrats, you are hypocrites. Yeah I said it. How quickly black people and democrats forget the days when THEY called Colin Powell a "coon" or "sellout" and many other things because horror of all horrors he was black but a Republican. How many times was he summarily dismissed by Black America and Democrats because he was seen as one of the others and against the Black Man and Democratic America. Do not act like it did not happen because we all know that it did. Oh but how that tune has changed since he made his endorsement. Black people and Democrats you are two faced and that makes you no different from...

White people and Republicans, you are hypocrites. Yeah I said it. How quickly white people and republicans forget the days when THEY called Collin Powell a "dynamic speaker" or "excellent statesman" and many other things because wonder of all wonders he was black but a Republican. How many times was he lauded by White America and Republicans because he was a decorated veteran, a strong supporter of their ideals, and an atypical Black Man. Do not act like it did not happen because we all know that it did. Oh but how the tune has changed since he made his endorsement. White people and Republicans you are two faced and that makes you no different from...


I guess it is true then what they say...

Strip away the outside things that mark us as different from one another, skin colour, party affiliations, and underneath it all we are just the same...

a bunch of two faced hypocrites...

**Disclaimer: these statements are sweeping generalisations and reflective of the actions of the minority (I hope) not the majority, and also my own opinion. Whether or not you agree is really of no concern.**

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

The Blame Game

When things are going well it is always "I" or "me" but let something be wrong and that immediately becomes "we", "you", or "they" ... why is that...

Because people are spineless hypocrites and liars basically. It is a shame really that people are so transparent and selfish. What boggles my mind though is the fact that for some reason they think that others don't see what they are doing and realise that they are passing the buck. Even when the evidence is staring them right in the face and visible to all, they still push it off as someone elses mistake.


Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Cry Me A River

Of late my life has been pretty much ok. Hectic, but ok. I may not be exactly where I want to be in life, but I am getting there, and I know that I am not the person that I used to be.

So why are people from my past, people I have cut ties to, people I have made it CRYSTAL FREAKING CLEAR to that under no circumstances do I want anything to do with them, trying to talk to me?

Every person has a breaking point. The point at which they say screw it this is not worth it. That point for me was about two years ago. My life really sucked. I found out that the 28 years I had spent being a good kid, studying my behind off (a considerable effort cause I got a lot to work with), treating others kindly, turning the other cheek, and generally being a decent person were basically for naught. When the rubber hit the road the person that I had been to that point did not matter, the only thing that matter was the person everyone was willing to believe that I was. Things got ugly, and for a while I was done with people as a whole, church people in general, and certain people specifically. I wrote some people off because I realised that they were immature, selfish liars. Others were written off because I realised that they were not real friends. I made my choices, kept my head up, and move on.

So why is it that some of the people who were left behind are trying to catch back up? Why are they trying to talk now when the time for talking and speaking the truth came and went a long time ago? Why are they saying they don't want to be enemies anymore when by their behaviour they made it clear that we were never really even friends? Why do they pretend ignorance? Why do they want forgiveness yet don't admit to doing anything wrong? Isn't that a contradiction? Why are they asking for forgiveness if they don't think they did anything wrong? Is the guilt weighing too heavily on them? Are too many people asking questions that they can't answer?

Whatever the case may be, my response remains the same...


I know that they say
That somethings are better left unsaid
It wasn't like you only talked to her (and all the rest of them) and you know it
(Don't act like you don't know it)
All of these things people told me (did you think I would not find out? you really are stupid)
Keep messing with my head
(Messing with my head)
You should've picked honesty
Then you may not have blown it (well you would have still failed but it would not have been an epic fail)

You don't have to say, what you did,
(Don't have to say, what you did)
I already know, I found out from him (and her and a whole lot of others)
(I already know, uh)
Now there's just no chance, for you and me, there'll never be
(No chance, you and me)
And don't it make you sad about it

You told me you loved me (which was obviously bullshit good thing the feeling wasn't mutual)
Why did you leave me, all alone (actually I am happy that you did)
(All alone)
Now you tell me you need me
When you call me, on the phone (do me a favour and lose my number)
(When you call me on the phone)
Dude I refuse, you must have me confused
With some other gal
(I'm not like them baby)
Your bridges were burned, and now it's your turn
(It's your turn)
To cry, cry me a river
(Go on and just)
Cry me a river-er
(Go on and just)
Cry me a river

Would you like a tissue???

Monday, October 6, 2008

Chocolate Milk and Butt Burps

Happy Monday...

courtesy of my big sis and her hilarious children...

What Did You Say???


~The Laughing Auntie (after reading that...)

Proud Family

While we often disagree on things, and are basically complete opposites of each other, at the end of the day we will always be sisters, and my big sister is WAY cool sometimes. Check this out to see what I mean.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Fighting Amongst Ourselves

In response to this

Anonymous said...
Actually, I like your friend's hair (I'm another co-worker). I just wanted to tell you that white girls are awful to each other, too. I have a friend who is always pointing out what she doesn't like about herself (she'll poke her stomach out like a Buddha and say how fat she is). I told her that I try to never point out what I consider to be a flaw because maybe someone else hasn't noticed it. Once you mention it, though, they won't forget it. We also diss on the girl with the latest clothes, hair, significant other, etc. My 15-year-old niece is already using the b-word to describe girls she doesn't like. So, unfortunately, I think it is women in general who are our worst enemies. And, the men in our lives will only live up to the expectations we set for ourselves.

September 30, 2008 4:38 PM

A very good point is made here which is that the woman on woman bashing crosses all cultural, racial, social, and ethnic planes. Yet it still raises the questions of HOW? and WHY?

How did we (the female gender collectively) end up this way?

There are many who would jump and say "it is the (inset appropriate colour reference here) man's fault", but really? Can men really be held responsible for how we see ourselves? for how we see each other? Honestly to me that is giving them far more credit than they deserve. How did we come from societies, cultures, and histories where the women were a strong, vital part of the family and community to where we are now?

We are we (the female gender collectively) this way?

Why are we so competitive with and judgemental of each other? What are we fighting for? Seriously. Again, the knee jerk reaction is to blame men, but at what point do we take responsiblity for ourselves and our actions? Just because men call us bitches and hoes doesn't mean that we have to. Realistically the "change" is not going to start with the men, it has to start with us.

As the nurturers of society (and frankly I see NOTHING wrong with that) it is the women who shape the minds of the future generations so if we really want to effect a change in the way women are viewed within sociatal and family structures, then we need to put up or shut up. We want our men to change, well teach our boys how to be real men. We want each other to change, well teach our girls how to be real ladies.

Change starts from within... time to get those mirrors out and start taking a good hard look...

Monday, September 29, 2008

My Own Worst Enemy?

-----Original Message-----
From: xxxxxxxxxx
To: xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sent: Mon, 22 Sep 2008 11:52 am
Subject: advice

so, i've had my long hair for a few months now. . .my mom loves it, my
cousin & her daughter love it - these are people I trust to tell me, "yeah
that's cute or girl it's time to let that go". . . so it took me by
surprise this morning when a co-worker friend told me, out of the blue,
"you know, I think you should get a short curly bob, that would look cute
on you". . .so are you telling me I don't look cute now?? . . .and why say
this now and not when I first got my hair back in July?? I told her I like
long hair. I mean, you have seen me, what do i need with a curly bob -
i'll look like a freakin' clown!! Now, she started wearing a new wig to
work last week, cute little bob w/layers in the back. I even told her it
looked cute b/c it does.

Why do "we" have such a hard time complementing each other?? She's cool
and all but I'm leery of people who give you those backhanded compliments.
ok, thanks for letting me vent. :-) do you think i'm overreacting or have
you come across people like this??

-- CJ

I received the email above from one of my best girl friends and it got me thinking about the question she raised; why do "we" have such a hard time complementing each other? Why do "we" often tear each other down? Why are "we" often our own worst enemy?

By "we" I mean black women, women of colour, however you define yourself, but for the purposes of not wanting to write all of that every time, I will generically use the term black. (Feel free to take umbrage with that, note however that I will feel free not to care).

This will probably get me in a lot of trouble with many people (like I care) but I really have to wonder if the "plight" of the black woman is more our own doing than the fault of how others outside of the race/culture treat us. Everyone always wants to blame "the man" for how we are portrayed in the media, treated in relationships, and looked upon in society, but a lot of the blame needs to be laid at our own doorsteps because we are often the number one offenders.

How many times do you see a scenario such as this:

1. Group of ladies...wait.. scratch that.. a group of females (because ladies should/would not behave so poorly) are out at the club, decent guy tries to chat them up and they brush him off and generally disavow his existence. He moves along then goes over to someone else who does pay him attention and they start chatting it up and so on. Upon seeing this the females then proceed to talk all kinds of trash about her. Something along the lines of:

  • girl look at her, she think she cute with her little (insert trendy designer here) outfit on...
  • that's probably a weave or a wig or something she got on (don't bust on weaves and wigs people... seriously... now if it's a busted then go right ahead, but if it is tight and looking right well then put the hater aide down and STFU)...
  • just cause she is caramel/chocolate/redbone/high yellow/short/tall/slim/curvy etc. she think everybody wants to talk to her

This is such a typical occurrence that it has basically become normative. Why is there such competition going on? What are we competing for? Seriously?

The whole concept of blaming "the man (black and white)" is pretty much ridiculous to me because really, who do you think they are learning that it is ok to treat black women that way from? Why should they treat us any particular way when they see us putting each other down and treating each other so badly?

Why should men not call us bitches and hoes when we call each other that ALL THE TIME!!!

Why should men respect us when we do not even respect ourselves?

Seriously females piss me off with that nonsense. Always the first to fuss and kick about how males in society treat them but not once does it occur to them that the males are sometimes only mimicking their own behaviour.

If women want things to change, if WE want things to change, then we need to do like Michael said and start with the [wo]man in the mirror. Stop looking to others to change their ways first and lead by example.

Floor-E-duh Sucks...

As a Met fan we are basically conditioned from the womb to handle massive disappointment...

We knew our bullpen sucked... we were prepared for the madness... we hoped for the best yet prepared for the worst..

In that respect they did not let us down..

They sucked just as badly as we expected them to... it just saddens me that Shea had to close its doors forever on such a sad note..

/begin rant...

I would like to publicly say that I will now and forever hate the Florida Marlins for the simple fact that they specifically said (for two seasons in a row now) that if they couldn't get into the playoffs then they would make sure the Mets did not as well.. now we did ourselves in with a horrible bullpen, that is true, but damn it have some freaking class Florida, if we had come into your stadium and it was the last game in a historic place and we were already out of the running then we would have at least had the freaking decency to play with class and let some sh*t slide...and just for that I am gonna root for the Rays because they are a better team anyway and currently the best thing to come out of Florida... bastards...

/end rant...

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Monkey In The Middle...

it was a bullshit game as a child and is even more annoying when as an adult people try to play that type of "game".

I am not a mediator. You are an adult. You have issues with a person deal with it and leave me out of it.

Damn it.

I so loathe childish behaviour from supposed adults...

Murder is illegal but some days I think I could look real cute in an orange jumper...

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Make It Stop

Those of you who know me well know that I am a die hard Mets fan.

Apparently this also means that I like to willingly inflict mental torture upon myself and ride an emotional roller coaster.

This eloquently sums up my feelings as a Mets fan right now.

Off to find some Calgon...

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Side Piece and/or Security Blanket

There comes a time in each person's life (or so I believe) when they come to a sad realisation...

You have always been friends but lately not as close as before. Things start changing and you start to notice interesting behaviours. You are no longer included in their plans and they (or so they think) are not included in yours.

Things that were cool before now cause quarrels and conflict (generally one sided); accusations are thrown about (again usually one sided) and lots of confusion ensues.

One sided demands/requests are made often under the guise of "well I wouldn't do that to you", however the reciprocal demands/requests cannot be made. They will expect and ask of you that which they themselves do not, will not, and possibly cannot give.

Things, actions, words will be taken personally despite a million and one assurances that it wasn't personal. The culture of "it's about me" and "why did you do that to me" becomes very pervasive.

Something that used to give you joy now just leaves you feeling empty, used, and to some extent alone. You have invested a lot and realistically gotten nothing in return.

There comes a time in each person's life (or so I believe) when they come to a sad realisation... that they are just a side piece and/or security blanket.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Beautiful Stranger

"Are your eyes naturally that chinky or is it the makeup that has them looking like that?"

Oh my Lord are you serious?!?!?!

This is no joke. This happened a few weeks ago and apparently the cashier at the Jamba Juice where I stopped to get my morning smoothie was dead serious because she repeated the question when I just stared at her the first time.

Now in all honesty, people have commented on the shape of my eyes in the past, in fact my grandaddy called me his "pug nose baby with the chinese eyes". I have been asked if there are Asians in my family, whether or not I am part Asian, and many things of that nature, but never has it been put to me so bluntly.

I don't know why my eyes happen to have a particular slant to them and as far as I know there are no Asian people in my lineage (but like I said that is as far as I know). I myself don't think there is anything different about the shape of my eyes, but others do.

The exchange got me thinking about how it is that certain traits became ascribed to certain groups of people, or why in one culture a particular trait is looked down upon, yet other cultures are trying to find ways to achieve the same look, and consider it a mark/standard of beauty.

Thick lips on Angelina Jolie = Hot
Thick lips on Angeliqa Jones = Not

Curly afro wig/weave on J-Lo = Hot
Real afro on female of colour = Not

Where have these conflicting standards of beauty come from.

On the one hand I believe a certain responsibility lies with the modeling/fashion industry and media. While Dream Girls was only a movie imagine for how many women (and men) it was a reflection on real events in their lives. Being pushed out or passed over for someone taller, thinner, lighter, younger, "prettier"; not necessarily better, just "better looking".

On the other hand I believe that responsibility can also be laid at people's home door steps. As a short, solid chick some could make the argument that maybe I am bitter or jealous because I do not fit the "Standard of Beauty", and if I had been raised in a different environment that may well have been the case. However, I was raised in an environment where I learned that it didn't matter what everyone else said or thought; what truly mattered was what you believed about yourself. We were taught to take pride in how we looked, and carry ourselves with dignity. More importantly we were taught that TRUE beauty is not something that could not be seen on the outside or measured in any calculable (wow that is really a word?) way.

True beauty has nothing to do with physical looks because there are some "gorgeous" ugly people in this world. You know that person that looks so good, but as soon as they open their mouth and start speaking you recoil; a pretty face hiding a dark character. Yet often times by virtue of the fact that they have a "pretty face" their bad behaviour is excused or accepted (Naomi Campbell anyone...).

What I realise though, is that there will not be a change coming anytime soon. Having worked behind the scenes on fashion shows and sitting in my office in the fashion district in the midst of fashion week I see that the same "standards" still exist.

I wonder what it will take to change them.

Parenting and Politics

Most people who know me well know that I don't get into discussions about politics. You do what works for you, and I will do what works for me. I try to avoid being drawn into or starting discussions on the subject, however recent events that have come to light in this current election are causing me to momentarily break my silence.

The Bristol Palin Pregnancy:

Now when I first heard about this I thought to myself, "I wonder if her mom is looking back and seeing if there is anything she could have done differently to avoid this situation". I listened to the pundits on both sides alternately praising her for standing behind her child, and berating her for not teaching her child about safe sex pracitises. Now I agree fully that parents are responsible for teaching their children right and wrong and instilling manners and home training. However there are times when for all the good home training that a child receives, they still do foolishness. It is in cases like those where I cannot support getting on the parent because of the foolishness of the child. I don't live at them, I don't know what went on or goes on in their home, but maybe Bristol Palin was just a hoe. Anyone consider that?

Think about it. Many of us know of a family (or even in our own family) who for all intents and purposes is fairly decent and so are most of their kids (if they have more than one) but there is that one kid who is basically of the devil. No matter how much you speak to them, who speaks to them, punishments, groundings and the like they are still determined to rebell by any means necessary at every turn. Maybe that is the type of child this chick is. Futhermore in this day and age when sex sells and the message of safe sex is plastered EVERYWHERE you cannot look me in the eye and tell me that at 17 years old did not know what a condom was or how to use it. That is pure foolishness. Most 17 year olds that I know are far more knowledgeable than I am about sex (which in and of itself is very disturbing), for that matter most kids that I know as young as 11 and 12 years old know a great deal more about sex at their age than I did at that age.

So for all those people getting on her for being such a horrible parent and how could she let her child do this, consider this; maybe her daughter was just a hoe.

**Disclaimer: no I am not a fan of Sarah Palin. I am however a fan of fair play**

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Gone But Not Forgotten

In memory of those whose lives were taken that day, and those who laid their lives down for others.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Hoes and the People who LOVE Them

What is the appeal of a hoe? Seriously

This has been on my mind for some time now and is especially bothersome because I see it happening to people who are (or used to be) in my circle.

What is it about a man whore or skank that will attract seemingly normal people to them?
How many times have you seen what appears to be a decent looking male or female with the equivalent of Flava Flav (spelling? like I care) or New York on their arm?

It becomes more troublesome when the couple in question and the full story is known to you (and a whole lot of other people some times depending on how hoetastic the person is).

Man whores and skanks, while often stupid and ignorant of many things, know there craft very well. They know just what to say, what to do, and how to act to draw people into their clutches. In many respects they are very much like certain types of spiders that build elaborate traps and then lure their victims in. They, much like animal predators, look for the weakest link in the group or in the armour of the intended victim and exploit that to the fullest.

At the other end of the spectrum you have the victim. We know and understand how they can be lured, but what makes them stay? Most man whores and skanks are cheaters, liars, and repeat offenders. They also have a tendency to be very brazen and presumptuous, flaunting their behaviour in the face of the victim, yet the victim stays. Does low self esteem play into the decision to stay? Do they feel like either they cannot do any better, or that this is all or the best that they deserve?

It would seem that this type of highly dysfunctional relationship, while in no way new to society, has become more common. One has to wonder why. I am of the mind that it is a type of after effect of past mistakes by society. Teen parents too young to have children much less raise them. A generation of boys trying to teach their boys how to be men and girls trying to teach their girls how to be women. Single parents trying to do it all, some fairly well, some failing abysmally. Boys who remained mentally boys because there was no one to teach them how to be men. Girls who either want to emulate the boys, or don't know their own self worth because they did not have strong female roll models to emulate.

We as a part of society today also have to take part of the blame because we excuse a lot of the trifling behaviours of man whores and skanks. How many "boys will be boys" have we heard uttered or spoken ourselves? How many "well guys do it too so why can't she/I"? How many people do we know personally who are either man whores or skanks and we still keep company with them even knowing all the dirty that they do and the hurt that they have caused?

How much of the dirt do we know about but keep to ourselves instead of letting the victims know what is really going on. Granted there are some males/females who are the victims in these types of relationships that refuse to see the truth of the matter or to hear anyone who tells them that all is not well in their world. Those people you just have to leave to their own devices. Eventually they will hit a rock bottom point and understand that being in denial does not change reality, but what about the rest of the time?

Regardless of the cause the madness remains the same and frankly it is disheartening to see.

The rest of us, who are decent people (at least I am, I hope the rest of you are) and just looking for other decent people to be with are now faced with the task of having to weed out the man whores and the skanks.


Monday, September 1, 2008

Greyhound Bus Lines

Greyhound Bus Lines is a tool of Satan. It is now somewhere near 2:30 or 2:45 am and I am sitting on the front steps of my parent's home waiting for them to get here and blogging from my phone to pass the time. I should have been on a bus going to see my new niece and her siblings. Thanks to the jackassery and completely mind boggling ineptitude and sheer freaking stupidity of Greyhound and all those associated with that spawn of Satan I am not.


The devil is so a liar...

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Little People

Just some cute pics of my small wonders

Happy Weekend


Thursday, August 28, 2008

The New Black Plague

There is a growing epidemic sweeping the nation. It is invading our homes, our schools, our jobs, it has even made it into the sanctified (well at least they should be sanctified) halls of our places of worship. Families are being broken apart by it. Friends are turning against friends. Brother against brother and sister against sister.

Bitch Nigganess...

It is the Black Plague of the 21st century. (ha. pun intended)

Males generally begin showing signs of the disease around the age of 18, but symptoms can present themselves earlier if the subject is exposed to the disease at a younger age. This is especially the case with father to son and older to younger brother transmission. Bitch nigga fathers generally have bitch nigga sons. Bitch nigga older brothers generally have bitch nigga younger brothers.

Bitch Nigganess is infecting the male population at an alarming rate. New strains are appearing almost overnight and each one is stronger than that which preceded it. While there is debate over the finer points of the full list of symptoms of Bitch Nigganess, there are some traits and behaviours that are commonly identified as symptoms of those afflicted with the disease:


Those afflicted with Bitch Nigganess often see themselves as God's gift to the world. They are often man whores who spend an inordinate amount of time trying to amass as many conquests as possible. They are excellent orators and lie with the skill of Peter (who not once, not twice, but THREE times denied that he knew Christ with a straight face.) The disease manifests changes at a cellular level and results amazingly in a change in biological order. Men infected with Bitch Nigganess change from primates to reptiles. This is evidenced by their chameleon like disguise skills and forked tongues.

Bitch Nigganess is running rampant in our communities and this country. Bitch niggas are in every sector of life, from the upper tiers of society and government (Capitol Hill is infested with them), to board rooms (Bob Johnson), court rooms (pick a justice, any justice), school rooms (so many teachers will go to hell), even the choir room (Satan I rebuke you) and the ramifications of the actions of those infected are spreading with reckless abandon. The greatest impact of the disease is being made on females in the 18-30 age range as they are the primary prey of those infected by Bitch Nigganess. This is most alarming because Bitch Nigganess is fatal to females. Once a bitch nigga infects a female, her hopes, dreams, aspirations, family connections, self esteem, intelligence, common sense, rationality, reason, and credit rating die. She is left a shell of her former self, mocked by society, scorned by her peers, and shunned by friends and loved ones.

It is time for us to rise up and fight to stop the spread of this disease. A line must be drawn in the sand as we stand and say "thus far and no further!". The burden lies heavily on the grandmothers, mothers, wives, and sisters of the community as they are the first lines of defense to catch Bitch Nigganess in the early stages.

Ladies, if the young men in your life start exhibiting signs of Bitch Nigganess there are steps that can be immediately taken to counter act and stave off the disease:

*beat his ass down
*send him to Big Momma for a spell
*call on Jesus
*any of the above singularly or in combination

If the grown men in your life start exhibiting signs of Bitch Nigganess... LEAVE!!! Run as fast as you can. Take some time to collect yourself and get back on track. Find a real MAN as soon as possible.

Bitch Nigganess has largely gone undetected by the CDC, and in many societies is accepted as par for the course or as a normal facet of behaviour. This however is not the case. Bitch Nigganess is a virulent disease that needs to be stopped before it turns into a pandemic.

Who is with me?

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

New Addtion

She's Here!!!

Jewel Elisabeth Pierce, the newest addition to my cadre of nieces and nephews made her entry into the world on Monday August 18, 2008.

Welcome to the family Juju.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Finally off to vacation (or at least I will be in about 10 hours).

Going to cruise the Caribbean, and spend a day at home.


The Ranting Auntie

Friday, August 15, 2008

Simple Bastard IV

JP Morgan Chase Bank

Fridays are my favourite day by simple virtue of the fact that it represents my emancipation time from the drudgery of the 9 to 5. However this Friday my general happiness was marred by the jackassery that occurred when I went to Chase Bank to get petty cash for the office.

The Rundown

Me: Good morning, I need to cash this check for petty cash (signs check in presence of teller, hands over check and photo identification)
Teller: I can't cash this check.
Me: *crickets*
Me: Excuse me?
Teller: I can't cash this check (hands check back to me)
Me: Can you explain why to me as my company has been using this branch for the past 5 years and this is the first time I have heard this. I have a signature card on file can you check it?
Teller: We don't have signature cards anymore.
Me: (squinty eyed and mean looking as I have not slept more that 8 hours combined for the whole week) What?
Teller: We don't have signature cards anymore because anyone can cash petty cash checks, but the check has to be made payable to "Petty Cash".
Me: Are you serious? It says "petty cash" in the memo and "CASH" in the pay to line. How can this not be cashed?
Teller: Sorry.

So now I go over to customer service and they try to brush me off. I however and functioning on basically no sleep, my bulls*t quota had already been filled that morning, and I was not leaving the bank. So I went into pretentious b*tch mode.

Me: Ma'am while the bank may have instituted those changes I do not recall any written notice being sent to our company advising of the new system.
Customer Service: Your bank rep should have told you.
Me: Seeing as I am standing here having this conversation with you it is obvious that this did not happen. Our bank rep is (name) her phone number is .... she is however on vacation right now. Her back up is (name) and her phone number is .... I cannot reissue this check as one of the signers is not in the office and I need to cash this check. It is clear from the way the check is issued that it is a petty cash check and if the only thing keeping me from cashing it is that the word "petty" is not in the pay to line, well that is not acceptable. I either want to speak to a manager or ask that our rep be called for clearance because this is frankly ridiculous.

Yeah I said all of that and you best believe they made the phone call. I then had to sit and wait for 30 minutes for our company bank rep to send and email to the branch administrator giving the okay for the check to be cashed at which point once received the teller calls me back to the window.

Teller: Okay I can take the check now.
Me: (giving stink eye) You already have it. Customer Service took it from me and brought it over here.
Teller: (looks down) Oh yeah. Sorry. Okay I need two pieces of identification, preferably a photo id and a credit card.
Me: What the!?!?!? Two pieces of id? Why?
Teller: Oh, if the check is over $500 you have to give two pieces of id.
Me: So you didn't tell me this when I was first here because?
Teller: *crickets*
Me: (stupsing mouth real hard and searching bag, thankfully I had my bank card in my purse)

I hand over my bank card and then have to place a finger print on the check and FINALLY after an HOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of idiocy I was able to get the cash and leave.

I officially hate Chase Bank with every fiber of my mortal being and rebuke their DUMB ASS practises to the pit of hell from whence they came. The devil is a liar!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Gone Too Soon

We will miss you Mac.

May God be with your family in their time of bereavement.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

People Suck

Dealing with people who are so busy telling you what they can't do and why they can't do it that they don't even actually understand what you are asking them to do can be very frustrating.

They go on and on about how they have this that and the other to deal with so they can't help you and you have yet to get a word in edgewise and even explain what is going on.

Then they turn right around and ask you for something.

I am so fed up with people right now.

The Wine Song


(In case you are wondering, yes I know this person)

Monday, August 11, 2008

Beat Your Kids

So I am just on a roll with saying things that will piss people off... oh well.

My sisters and I got beatings as children and I believe that we were better off because of it.

These children however obviously need to have their behinds lit up:

This cut up faked his own kidnapping because his parents would not get him a Wii system. My arm would be sore from wearing his behind out.

This kid...tried to hire a hit man!!!! Jesus would have had to come down off the throne to save me personally should I have tried this mess.

This girl VIDEOTAPED herself trying to kill her parents!!! She needs a beating, prayer, and some serious help.

For the good of all humanity people need to BEAT THEIR KIDS!

Thursday, August 7, 2008

You Are NOT That Important!

I, like many if not most people these days, own a bluetooth ear piece. It comes in very handy when I need to multi task and don't want to run the risk of:

*choking myself with the wire from the traditional ear piece
*accidentally cutting the cord of the ear piece with the scissors I was using to open a box (this really happened and I was in the middle of a conversation)
*forgetting the ear piece was attached to the phone and walking away resulting in the phone being dropped

For as good as they may be, I do have one real serious beef with them...

People who wear them ALL THE TIME!!!!


You are NOT that important... really...

I am sick and tired of seeing people with their ear pieces in all over the place. Let's be real shall we, unless you are a doctor who is on call all the time there is no need for that thing to be in your ear all the time. More often that not my ear piece is left at home. Truth be told I very rarely take or make calls on my cell phone during the day. I either text or people call me at my desk. If I do happen to bring it with me it is because I specifically intend to call someone while I am on my lunch break and out walking, or when I get off the train. In those cases, it stays turned off and put away until I am actually going to use it. What is the point of having it on while I am on the train (even though my train runs outside for part of my trip)? The train is loud, and even when I get calls on the train I tell whomever is calling that I am (duh) on the train and will call them back when I get off. It is like those people who take out there (insert pretentious phone or PDA device name here) on the train and start playing with it. WTF are you doing? You are on the train! You know good and well you are getting no signal and can't do a damn thing with the phone except have it out so people can see that you have one. Pretentious bougie douche bag that you are. Yeah I said it. (that is for those people who will point out to me that I myself own a PDA smart phone. Bite me all of you. I know when it is and is not appropriate to whip it out [pun fully intended])

My biggest annoyance I think comes with people who I see wearing them in church. Come the [censored] on now!!! Unless that is Jesus calling you on the royal telephone to glory GET OF THE [CENSORED] PHONE!!! To me that is the height of jackassery and pretentiousness. I have seen ushers, musicians, and even other ministers walk into the house of the Lord with the things still in their ears and mosey right on up to the platform. Again I say unless you are a doctor who is on call or some other type of emergency personnel or something you are NOT that important!!
I don't even walk with my own on a Sunday when I go to church because everyone who knows me knows that it is totally pointless to call me between the hours of 12 noon and 3pm. I am in church, it is loud (at least in my church... we are Pentecostal and Caribbean), and regardless of that I have the phone on vibrate anyway in case anyone forgets themselves and actually does call me.

I am not in anyway trying to knock the whole bluetooth hands free thing, it is a great idea. I just get overwhelming annoyed at the knucka knuckas (one of my dad's favourite sayings) who wear them all the time and in the most inappropriate places. Simple Bastards.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Absolut & Paris Hilton... The Cure For A Bad Day

This made my morning....

and the following made my night...

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die


Absolut and Paris Hilton apparently make a great combination when one is having an otherwise crappy day.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Chivalry Is Dead...

and women killed it.

Yes, I said it. Women are responsible for driving a stake through the heart of chivalry.

This really annoys me because as a woman I understand that the lack of chivalry in my day to day life is directly the result of generations of women working so hard to be "free and equal" that they obliterated the finer points of the things that made men and women
inherently and wonderfully different.

There are those women who would say that men and women should be equal in all things, that there is no division between the sexes, that anything a man can do a woman can do with equal measure. Those who believe that all women should be "Independent Women" (screw you Destiny's Child). To those women I respectfully say [censored]!!!

Now don't get me wrong, I am fully in support of the idea that if a woman and a man do the same job or perform the same function in the workforce then the pay received should be equal. A woman should not be passed over for a promotion or looked over for a job because of her gender. That is discrimination and that is ignorant. That however is not what I am talking about.

What I do NOT support is the social castration of men. We are living in a society where females are being taught that they don't need a man for anything up to and including having/raising kids, which in turn breeds a level of disrespect towards and devaluation of women by men. Back in the day a man had to work to gain a woman's attention. He had to have class, style, manners, be gainfully employed, and carry himself with dignity. He had to treat her with respect and treat her as something valuable. In turn, women treated men with respect and allowed them to be real men. Then came feminism. I am woman hear me roar! I can have a career, run the house, and do everything a man can do. Big freaking deal. Now again I will reiterate that I am in full support of equal pay for equal work irrespective of gender. However, I believe that the independent woman/men and women are equal ideology does not work well with in the social and family structure.

Men and women are NOT THE SAME, and there is a reason for that. Men were fashioned in the role of protector and women in the role of nurturer. It is a ying and yang like relationship that balances itself out. When one party tries to take on the mantle of the other, then things are thrown out of balance and we end up where we are today.

I know this is going to get me in trouble, but what do I care. There are times when it seems that the feminist movement did more harm than good. I am sick and tired of hearing women go on and on about how they don't need a man to do for them because they can do for themselves. Well good for you SuperWoman, but what about the rest of us? There are some women who actually like men to be men (I can hear the undies of the extreme feminists twisting into a serious bunch right now). I want a man to open doors for me. I want a man to see my walking with bags and offer to assist me. I want a man to give up their seat for me on the bus or train. I want a man to offer to fix things for me. I want a man to be the head of my household, to be an example for my future children, to protect me. Does that make me lazy? Does it make me old fashioned? Does it make me crazy? I don't think so. I know good and well how to be handy, and can fix and repair a good number of things in my apartment on my own, but just because I can does not mean that I want to all the time. I also believe that I could raise a child on my own, but just because I could does not mean that I would want to or that I should.

I miss the days when men could be men without the fear recrimination from women. I miss the days of men holding doors, pulling out chairs, giving up seats, and just being gentlemen. I miss the days of men bringing the car around or offering their jacket so you would not have to get wet up in the rain. I miss the days of men being men in the home. In this day and age a chivalrous man is a rarity. The older men who were raised right are dying out, and the generations following them are not being taught to be proper men.

The men of my generation and the ones that follow me know nothing of chivalry and being a man. They have not been taught to be a gentleman, and they have no examples of gentlemen around them to govern themselves by. They have been brought up in a society of females and dudes with no real ladies and gentlemen around to learn from. Go out and pick up any magazine especially those geared towards the "black" male youth and what do you see portrayed on the cover? Do you see upstanding men and women of the community? No you don't. There are rappers, and ballers, and random chicks who are NOT the example that the youth of today should be following after, but what else can we expect from a society that places more value on material worth than it does on class and character.

While I understand that to some extent the feminist movement was needed to address disparity and inequality once women entered the workforce, I believe that it was taken too far when it emasculated men.

I will now go and hide from the feminist who will no doubt be after my blood...SIKE!!

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Laughter Saves Lives

So it is entirely possible that these may be the creation of photo shop... but who cares!?!? They made me laugh which in turn took my mind off of wanting to open up a can of whoop ass on some people, and/or stabbing them repeatedly with a rusty knife until they either died from blood loss or from the eventual infection. Enjoy!

ok this just amuses me for the simple fact that I would love to see it happen in real life.

this is what happens when the church tries to speak like the world. DON'T DO IT!! there is a reason why the church and the world need to stay separate! Remember we are in the world but not of the world. (but it sure is funny)

WTFF!!!! Seriously... I don't get it...

So who would have to pay the fine?

This one just makes no sense what so ever. Is the sign in the bottom left telling you to watch out for horny deer? WTF????

I have seen this ass backwards sign combo numerous times and cannot for the life of me figure out why no one seems to notice the contradictory nature of the signs. Further proof that the world is full of simple bastards.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Simple Bastard III - Shark Week Edition

"There are no dangerous sharks, just dangerous situations" ...

The quote above was made by the gentleman in the clip below.

Simple "let's go stand where the animals that are known to eat ANYTHING and can kill us are swimming about in mass quantities while wearing absolutely NO protection of any kind and see what happens" Bastard.

How was this not considered a "dangerous situation"?

Shaking my head...

And then the fight started...

While I cannot take credit for being the author of these little gems, I will gladly pass them on.


When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive... so, I took her to a gas station...

And then the fight started....


After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for
Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's
license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had
left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I
would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing
my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and
she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office.

She said, 'you should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.'

And then the fight started...


My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...


I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road,
and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes
you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And then the fight started...

Vocabulary Rescind

Ok, so there are somethings that push my buttons and put me into a haze where I happily plot the downfall of others. However, sometimes in my rage I do a disservice to some people, and I am woman enough to admit when I cross lines and such. Case in point, I sometimes use the word "retarded" to describe actions and or people that I find to be ignorant, annoying, dumb, or just plain stupid. This however is not a good term to use as it does not reflect well on the population of people who genuinely do fall into that category.

So hence forth the use of that term in ire has been rescinded and will be applied solely to those who fit the clinical definition of the term, and in such context as is appropriate.

That does not however mean that I will stop calling people out for dumb ass behaviours. So to that end, people or things that I find to be ignorant, annoying, dumb, or just plain stupid will be referred to as simple bastards.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Tourists and Tasers

I want a taser gun as an early birthday present.

Ok, ok, so they are illegal, so what. Sometimes rules are meant to be broken if the cause is just and I believe that being able to tase the simple bastard tourists that screw up my time off for good behaviour is a just cause.

I travel. I go to other cities and countries, I have been and will continue to be at times a tourist. However as someone who works in a major city furthermore in an area that is a mecca for tourists (NYC: Times Square/Fashion District area), I have cultivated a deep respect for the locals. I am sick and tired of going outside on my lunch break with the anticipation of enjoying a nice walk, maybe some window or actual shopping, and just getting some air only to be met with this:

Simple (ohhh wee y'all we's in da big city) Bastards


My main beef with tourists is their inability to use common sense and make good judgments. They are loud, rude, pushy, and feel that everyone should pander to their whims as they are spending their precious dollars in our city and boosting our economy. While I may not be a native born New Yorker, let me offer what would be the common response of a native:

@#$& YOU, YOU DUMB@$% MOTHER@#%*$%. (this would probably be accompanied by particular hand motions)

When faced with tourists I often fell like Lois Griffin in that episode of Family Guy where all the city folk (New Yorkers apropos) come to Quahog to see the leaves, and want to do to the tourists what Stewie did to Brian:

I know there are many people who would say that I should lighten up, that I should allow for the fact that people are often enthralled with the sights and for many it is the first time they have seen these sights and it is an awe inspiring thing. To those people I respectfully say BITE ME. You can be filled with awe without standing in the middle of the sidewalk blocking my path as you stare at the buildings (wtf? do they not have buildings where you come from?) and taking a million and one pictures. You can be filled with awe without gathering in large masses at corner impeding the flow of traffic as you try figure out where to go from your map instead of just asking someone. You can be filled with awe without you and your whole damn gaggle of loud ass children holding up the line in McDonald's as I am try to get my damn fries because your ignorant ass cannot figure out what the hell you want. It is freaking MCDONALD'S you ignorant bastard!!! The basic menu is the SAME damn it!!! A Big Mac here is the same damn thing where you come from too and yes the value meal comes with fries you simple bastard.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Simple Bastards II

I had so much fun doing this yesterday that I figured why not make it a weekly thing. So here in no particular order is my list of Simple Bastards for the week:

Al Sharpton - Simple "man perm wearing, ignorance spewing, so NOT the voice of the black people" Bastard

Nancy Grace - Simple "dumb behind has no business reporting news and why do you look like that???" Bastard

Tom Cruise - Simple "couch jumping, Oprah scaring, done lost his damn mind" Bastard

Sting ray - Simple "Crocodile Hunter killing (I am STILL upset about that)" Bastard*

This Chick - Simple "you just made me throw up in my mouth with your nasty ghetto hot mess self" Bastard

Her Man - Simple "how is it that you can buy all the "ice" yet your dumb behind is still living in your momma's basement/on your momma's couch, hey baby can I holla atchu fu a minute, can't speak proper english, saggin pant wearing, nasty ass" Bastard

The week has a few more days to go. I may have to revisit and update this list.

*yeah yeah yeah.. whatever... I know it is not a person, but as it is my blog I can pretty much do and say what I want.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Thank You For Being a Friend

Golden Girl Gone

Estelle Getty, probably best known for her role as "Ma" Sophia, on Golden Girls passed away today at the age of 84.

A true screen gem, and in my mind a comedic genius.

Dorothy: Ma, what the hell are you doing?! (at finding Sophia standing naked in front of the fridge)
Sophia: I'm giving the left-over meatloaf a thrill – what do you think I'm doing, it's hot as hell in here!
Dorothy: Well, close it before the food spoils.
Sophia: Okay. [covers herself]
Dorothy: I meant the refrigerator

Thanks for the many years of laughter you gave us. You will be missed.

Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down the road and back again
Your heart is true
You're a pal and a confidant

And if you threw a party
And invited everyone you knew
You would see the the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attached would say

Simple Bastards I

Give me a moment... this is the second time I am having to write this because the first version read like a portion of a Richard Pryor stand up.

SMPL NMB NT DMB SS BSTRDS!!!! (anyone want to buy a vowel?)

Why is this world so full of people who are so abysmally stupid? People who are so disconnected from the plane of reality that you have to wonder how it is that they are able to survive. People whose actions and words are so painful to see and hear that you want to rip out your OWN eyes and ears just so you do not have to be party to the madness.

Simple bastards are a blight on the human race. They are responsible for the decline of society, morals, values, and all that we hold dear. Every atrocity that has been committed against mankind can directly or indirectly be connected to a simple bastard.

Satan - Simple "I am better than you God and I will take over the whole world" Bastard*

Christopher Columbus - Simple "Screw the map, I know where the #@$% I am" Bastard

Adolf Hitler - Simple "I and the Nazis are better than everyone and I will take over the world" Bastard (note the similarities to Satan)

Trans Atlantic Slave Trade - Simple "let's screw over millions of people for generations to come" Bastard**

Jessie Jackson - Simple "He's talking down to black folk (like black folk are not smart enough to understand what is said by a person with any type of intelligence and education..dumbass... just because you can't understand what he is saying doesn't mean the rest of us can't figure it out)" Bastard

Michael Savage - Simple "I make sweeping statements and generalisations about things that I KNOW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT and then call anyone who actually knows something about the subject and contradicts my incorrect assumptions far left stalinists" Bastard

*Obviously this is not a real depiction but it amused me
**Ok so the Atlantic Slave Trade is not an actual person but you can bet that a Simple Bastard came up with the idea

Monday, July 21, 2008

Freakin MTA

It is not even lunch time and I already want to kill... or at least maim.

I propose a change to the definition of the words "futile", "incomprehensible", and "pointless". When you look in the dictionary you should also find listed under the definition of these words the following:
NYC PUBLIC TRANSPORTAION SYSTEM (here after referred to as the freakin MTA).

WTFF!?!?!? Can I just get one morning where something does not screw up my commute?

This morning's commute went as follows:

1. get into station (hot as all get out) look and see train is coming... YES!
2. get on train, score seat immediately... YES!
3. get out book, arrange self and settle in for a peaceful ride... YES!
4. realise that the air is obviously set on BARELY ON because the car is still warm.. this is still okay.. it is not ideal situation, but at least the air is on.

Things start to go down hill from this point on.

5. go all of 5 stations to hear the following announcement:

"Ladies and gentlemen we are delayed due to train traffic ahead of us."
followed up by:

"Ladies and gentlemen, due to debris on the tracks at Bowling Green, Manhattan bound 4 and 5 trains are running on the local track" (I happen to be on the local train)

At this point things are still okay. I have time and I am relaxing on my train. We are slowly but surely are making our way into the city. Then the following announcement is made:

"Ladies and gentlemen, due to the track conditions at Bowling Green, Manhattan bound 4 and 5 trains are termanting at Wall Street. For continuing service into Manhattan take the 2 (train I am on) or 3 train."

Things are still okay at this point because like I said, I am sitting on my train with my book and we are slowly but surely moving along...I know that when we get to the Wall Street stop there will be a truck load of people waiting to get on the train, but what do I care, I am seated, things are still well in my world... that is until we actually get to the Wall Street stop and hear this:

"Attention passengers, due to a sick customer on the train (my train) we are being held in the station momentarily to assess the situation. Please be patient."

Do the conductors and train operators realise that asking a bunch of people who are already hot and bothered because mother nature has the thermostat set to HELL, to please be patient in a subway car that is toasty, or standing on a platform that is buring up, is something akin to asking a lion who has not eaten in days and comes across a gimp zebra NOT to eat it...ain't gonna happen.

By this time I am annoyed because all that extra time I had built into my commute (I like to get into the city about 30 minutes early so I can get my mind right and knosh something before I start my day) is being eaten up. Futhermore, the train is getting ridiculously crowded, hotter, and we have been sitting in the station for a good 10 minutes. Also ALL those people from the 4 and 5 trains that are terminating at the Wall Street stop are trying to get on my train (because the laws of physics must not apply to them... simple bastards). Finally the conductor comes back over the PA system and delivers this gem:

"Attention passengers, due to a sick customer this train is being taken out of service. All passengers must exit the train. THIS TRAIN IS NO LONGER IN SERVICE."

FREAKIN' A!!!!!!

Are you kidding me!?!?!?!?

Why do I have to get off the train? Why can't they take the sicko off the train? This makes absolutely NO SENSE to me. Futhermore, if the train has to go out of service why do it at a station that is already packed because everyone from two other train lines have been rerouted there. Would it have killed the freaking MTA to let the train go one more stop to Fulton Street where I could have at least transfered to another train line? Damnit give me something to work with!!! Give me something to hope for!!!!


So instead of being 30 minutes early for work, I get in 30 minutes late... and am greeted by retards (yes, yes I know I shouldn't call people that because as the "retarded" lady on the bus said to someone one day, (I kid you not) "I'm retarded not stupid"... but whatever) who ask me dumbass questions before I even get to my desk... DAMN IT!!!

It's only Monday...