Friday, August 15, 2008

Simple Bastard IV

JP Morgan Chase Bank

Fridays are my favourite day by simple virtue of the fact that it represents my emancipation time from the drudgery of the 9 to 5. However this Friday my general happiness was marred by the jackassery that occurred when I went to Chase Bank to get petty cash for the office.

The Rundown

Me: Good morning, I need to cash this check for petty cash (signs check in presence of teller, hands over check and photo identification)
Teller: I can't cash this check.
Me: *crickets*
Me: Excuse me?
Teller: I can't cash this check (hands check back to me)
Me: Can you explain why to me as my company has been using this branch for the past 5 years and this is the first time I have heard this. I have a signature card on file can you check it?
Teller: We don't have signature cards anymore.
Me: (squinty eyed and mean looking as I have not slept more that 8 hours combined for the whole week) What?
Teller: We don't have signature cards anymore because anyone can cash petty cash checks, but the check has to be made payable to "Petty Cash".
Me: Are you serious? It says "petty cash" in the memo and "CASH" in the pay to line. How can this not be cashed?
Teller: Sorry.

So now I go over to customer service and they try to brush me off. I however and functioning on basically no sleep, my bulls*t quota had already been filled that morning, and I was not leaving the bank. So I went into pretentious b*tch mode.

Me: Ma'am while the bank may have instituted those changes I do not recall any written notice being sent to our company advising of the new system.
Customer Service: Your bank rep should have told you.
Me: Seeing as I am standing here having this conversation with you it is obvious that this did not happen. Our bank rep is (name) her phone number is .... she is however on vacation right now. Her back up is (name) and her phone number is .... I cannot reissue this check as one of the signers is not in the office and I need to cash this check. It is clear from the way the check is issued that it is a petty cash check and if the only thing keeping me from cashing it is that the word "petty" is not in the pay to line, well that is not acceptable. I either want to speak to a manager or ask that our rep be called for clearance because this is frankly ridiculous.

Yeah I said all of that and you best believe they made the phone call. I then had to sit and wait for 30 minutes for our company bank rep to send and email to the branch administrator giving the okay for the check to be cashed at which point once received the teller calls me back to the window.

Teller: Okay I can take the check now.
Me: (giving stink eye) You already have it. Customer Service took it from me and brought it over here.
Teller: (looks down) Oh yeah. Sorry. Okay I need two pieces of identification, preferably a photo id and a credit card.
Me: What the!?!?!? Two pieces of id? Why?
Teller: Oh, if the check is over $500 you have to give two pieces of id.
Me: So you didn't tell me this when I was first here because?
Teller: *crickets*
Me: (stupsing mouth real hard and searching bag, thankfully I had my bank card in my purse)

I hand over my bank card and then have to place a finger print on the check and FINALLY after an HOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of idiocy I was able to get the cash and leave.

I officially hate Chase Bank with every fiber of my mortal being and rebuke their DUMB ASS practises to the pit of hell from whence they came. The devil is a liar!

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