Saturday, August 30, 2008

Little People

Just some cute pics of my small wonders

Happy Weekend


Thursday, August 28, 2008

The New Black Plague

There is a growing epidemic sweeping the nation. It is invading our homes, our schools, our jobs, it has even made it into the sanctified (well at least they should be sanctified) halls of our places of worship. Families are being broken apart by it. Friends are turning against friends. Brother against brother and sister against sister.

Bitch Nigganess...

It is the Black Plague of the 21st century. (ha. pun intended)

Males generally begin showing signs of the disease around the age of 18, but symptoms can present themselves earlier if the subject is exposed to the disease at a younger age. This is especially the case with father to son and older to younger brother transmission. Bitch nigga fathers generally have bitch nigga sons. Bitch nigga older brothers generally have bitch nigga younger brothers.

Bitch Nigganess is infecting the male population at an alarming rate. New strains are appearing almost overnight and each one is stronger than that which preceded it. While there is debate over the finer points of the full list of symptoms of Bitch Nigganess, there are some traits and behaviours that are commonly identified as symptoms of those afflicted with the disease:


Those afflicted with Bitch Nigganess often see themselves as God's gift to the world. They are often man whores who spend an inordinate amount of time trying to amass as many conquests as possible. They are excellent orators and lie with the skill of Peter (who not once, not twice, but THREE times denied that he knew Christ with a straight face.) The disease manifests changes at a cellular level and results amazingly in a change in biological order. Men infected with Bitch Nigganess change from primates to reptiles. This is evidenced by their chameleon like disguise skills and forked tongues.

Bitch Nigganess is running rampant in our communities and this country. Bitch niggas are in every sector of life, from the upper tiers of society and government (Capitol Hill is infested with them), to board rooms (Bob Johnson), court rooms (pick a justice, any justice), school rooms (so many teachers will go to hell), even the choir room (Satan I rebuke you) and the ramifications of the actions of those infected are spreading with reckless abandon. The greatest impact of the disease is being made on females in the 18-30 age range as they are the primary prey of those infected by Bitch Nigganess. This is most alarming because Bitch Nigganess is fatal to females. Once a bitch nigga infects a female, her hopes, dreams, aspirations, family connections, self esteem, intelligence, common sense, rationality, reason, and credit rating die. She is left a shell of her former self, mocked by society, scorned by her peers, and shunned by friends and loved ones.

It is time for us to rise up and fight to stop the spread of this disease. A line must be drawn in the sand as we stand and say "thus far and no further!". The burden lies heavily on the grandmothers, mothers, wives, and sisters of the community as they are the first lines of defense to catch Bitch Nigganess in the early stages.

Ladies, if the young men in your life start exhibiting signs of Bitch Nigganess there are steps that can be immediately taken to counter act and stave off the disease:

*beat his ass down
*send him to Big Momma for a spell
*call on Jesus
*any of the above singularly or in combination

If the grown men in your life start exhibiting signs of Bitch Nigganess... LEAVE!!! Run as fast as you can. Take some time to collect yourself and get back on track. Find a real MAN as soon as possible.

Bitch Nigganess has largely gone undetected by the CDC, and in many societies is accepted as par for the course or as a normal facet of behaviour. This however is not the case. Bitch Nigganess is a virulent disease that needs to be stopped before it turns into a pandemic.

Who is with me?

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

New Addtion

She's Here!!!

Jewel Elisabeth Pierce, the newest addition to my cadre of nieces and nephews made her entry into the world on Monday August 18, 2008.

Welcome to the family Juju.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Finally off to vacation (or at least I will be in about 10 hours).

Going to cruise the Caribbean, and spend a day at home.


The Ranting Auntie

Friday, August 15, 2008

Simple Bastard IV

JP Morgan Chase Bank

Fridays are my favourite day by simple virtue of the fact that it represents my emancipation time from the drudgery of the 9 to 5. However this Friday my general happiness was marred by the jackassery that occurred when I went to Chase Bank to get petty cash for the office.

The Rundown

Me: Good morning, I need to cash this check for petty cash (signs check in presence of teller, hands over check and photo identification)
Teller: I can't cash this check.
Me: *crickets*
Me: Excuse me?
Teller: I can't cash this check (hands check back to me)
Me: Can you explain why to me as my company has been using this branch for the past 5 years and this is the first time I have heard this. I have a signature card on file can you check it?
Teller: We don't have signature cards anymore.
Me: (squinty eyed and mean looking as I have not slept more that 8 hours combined for the whole week) What?
Teller: We don't have signature cards anymore because anyone can cash petty cash checks, but the check has to be made payable to "Petty Cash".
Me: Are you serious? It says "petty cash" in the memo and "CASH" in the pay to line. How can this not be cashed?
Teller: Sorry.

So now I go over to customer service and they try to brush me off. I however and functioning on basically no sleep, my bulls*t quota had already been filled that morning, and I was not leaving the bank. So I went into pretentious b*tch mode.

Me: Ma'am while the bank may have instituted those changes I do not recall any written notice being sent to our company advising of the new system.
Customer Service: Your bank rep should have told you.
Me: Seeing as I am standing here having this conversation with you it is obvious that this did not happen. Our bank rep is (name) her phone number is .... she is however on vacation right now. Her back up is (name) and her phone number is .... I cannot reissue this check as one of the signers is not in the office and I need to cash this check. It is clear from the way the check is issued that it is a petty cash check and if the only thing keeping me from cashing it is that the word "petty" is not in the pay to line, well that is not acceptable. I either want to speak to a manager or ask that our rep be called for clearance because this is frankly ridiculous.

Yeah I said all of that and you best believe they made the phone call. I then had to sit and wait for 30 minutes for our company bank rep to send and email to the branch administrator giving the okay for the check to be cashed at which point once received the teller calls me back to the window.

Teller: Okay I can take the check now.
Me: (giving stink eye) You already have it. Customer Service took it from me and brought it over here.
Teller: (looks down) Oh yeah. Sorry. Okay I need two pieces of identification, preferably a photo id and a credit card.
Me: What the!?!?!? Two pieces of id? Why?
Teller: Oh, if the check is over $500 you have to give two pieces of id.
Me: So you didn't tell me this when I was first here because?
Teller: *crickets*
Me: (stupsing mouth real hard and searching bag, thankfully I had my bank card in my purse)

I hand over my bank card and then have to place a finger print on the check and FINALLY after an HOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of idiocy I was able to get the cash and leave.

I officially hate Chase Bank with every fiber of my mortal being and rebuke their DUMB ASS practises to the pit of hell from whence they came. The devil is a liar!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Gone Too Soon

We will miss you Mac.

May God be with your family in their time of bereavement.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

People Suck

Dealing with people who are so busy telling you what they can't do and why they can't do it that they don't even actually understand what you are asking them to do can be very frustrating.

They go on and on about how they have this that and the other to deal with so they can't help you and you have yet to get a word in edgewise and even explain what is going on.

Then they turn right around and ask you for something.

I am so fed up with people right now.

The Wine Song


(In case you are wondering, yes I know this person)

Monday, August 11, 2008

Beat Your Kids

So I am just on a roll with saying things that will piss people off... oh well.

My sisters and I got beatings as children and I believe that we were better off because of it.

These children however obviously need to have their behinds lit up:

This cut up faked his own kidnapping because his parents would not get him a Wii system. My arm would be sore from wearing his behind out.

This kid...tried to hire a hit man!!!! Jesus would have had to come down off the throne to save me personally should I have tried this mess.

This girl VIDEOTAPED herself trying to kill her parents!!! She needs a beating, prayer, and some serious help.

For the good of all humanity people need to BEAT THEIR KIDS!

Thursday, August 7, 2008

You Are NOT That Important!

I, like many if not most people these days, own a bluetooth ear piece. It comes in very handy when I need to multi task and don't want to run the risk of:

*choking myself with the wire from the traditional ear piece
*accidentally cutting the cord of the ear piece with the scissors I was using to open a box (this really happened and I was in the middle of a conversation)
*forgetting the ear piece was attached to the phone and walking away resulting in the phone being dropped

For as good as they may be, I do have one real serious beef with them...

People who wear them ALL THE TIME!!!!


You are NOT that important... really...

I am sick and tired of seeing people with their ear pieces in all over the place. Let's be real shall we, unless you are a doctor who is on call all the time there is no need for that thing to be in your ear all the time. More often that not my ear piece is left at home. Truth be told I very rarely take or make calls on my cell phone during the day. I either text or people call me at my desk. If I do happen to bring it with me it is because I specifically intend to call someone while I am on my lunch break and out walking, or when I get off the train. In those cases, it stays turned off and put away until I am actually going to use it. What is the point of having it on while I am on the train (even though my train runs outside for part of my trip)? The train is loud, and even when I get calls on the train I tell whomever is calling that I am (duh) on the train and will call them back when I get off. It is like those people who take out there (insert pretentious phone or PDA device name here) on the train and start playing with it. WTF are you doing? You are on the train! You know good and well you are getting no signal and can't do a damn thing with the phone except have it out so people can see that you have one. Pretentious bougie douche bag that you are. Yeah I said it. (that is for those people who will point out to me that I myself own a PDA smart phone. Bite me all of you. I know when it is and is not appropriate to whip it out [pun fully intended])

My biggest annoyance I think comes with people who I see wearing them in church. Come the [censored] on now!!! Unless that is Jesus calling you on the royal telephone to glory GET OF THE [CENSORED] PHONE!!! To me that is the height of jackassery and pretentiousness. I have seen ushers, musicians, and even other ministers walk into the house of the Lord with the things still in their ears and mosey right on up to the platform. Again I say unless you are a doctor who is on call or some other type of emergency personnel or something you are NOT that important!!
I don't even walk with my own on a Sunday when I go to church because everyone who knows me knows that it is totally pointless to call me between the hours of 12 noon and 3pm. I am in church, it is loud (at least in my church... we are Pentecostal and Caribbean), and regardless of that I have the phone on vibrate anyway in case anyone forgets themselves and actually does call me.

I am not in anyway trying to knock the whole bluetooth hands free thing, it is a great idea. I just get overwhelming annoyed at the knucka knuckas (one of my dad's favourite sayings) who wear them all the time and in the most inappropriate places. Simple Bastards.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Absolut & Paris Hilton... The Cure For A Bad Day

This made my morning....

and the following made my night...

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die


Absolut and Paris Hilton apparently make a great combination when one is having an otherwise crappy day.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Chivalry Is Dead...

and women killed it.

Yes, I said it. Women are responsible for driving a stake through the heart of chivalry.

This really annoys me because as a woman I understand that the lack of chivalry in my day to day life is directly the result of generations of women working so hard to be "free and equal" that they obliterated the finer points of the things that made men and women
inherently and wonderfully different.

There are those women who would say that men and women should be equal in all things, that there is no division between the sexes, that anything a man can do a woman can do with equal measure. Those who believe that all women should be "Independent Women" (screw you Destiny's Child). To those women I respectfully say [censored]!!!

Now don't get me wrong, I am fully in support of the idea that if a woman and a man do the same job or perform the same function in the workforce then the pay received should be equal. A woman should not be passed over for a promotion or looked over for a job because of her gender. That is discrimination and that is ignorant. That however is not what I am talking about.

What I do NOT support is the social castration of men. We are living in a society where females are being taught that they don't need a man for anything up to and including having/raising kids, which in turn breeds a level of disrespect towards and devaluation of women by men. Back in the day a man had to work to gain a woman's attention. He had to have class, style, manners, be gainfully employed, and carry himself with dignity. He had to treat her with respect and treat her as something valuable. In turn, women treated men with respect and allowed them to be real men. Then came feminism. I am woman hear me roar! I can have a career, run the house, and do everything a man can do. Big freaking deal. Now again I will reiterate that I am in full support of equal pay for equal work irrespective of gender. However, I believe that the independent woman/men and women are equal ideology does not work well with in the social and family structure.

Men and women are NOT THE SAME, and there is a reason for that. Men were fashioned in the role of protector and women in the role of nurturer. It is a ying and yang like relationship that balances itself out. When one party tries to take on the mantle of the other, then things are thrown out of balance and we end up where we are today.

I know this is going to get me in trouble, but what do I care. There are times when it seems that the feminist movement did more harm than good. I am sick and tired of hearing women go on and on about how they don't need a man to do for them because they can do for themselves. Well good for you SuperWoman, but what about the rest of us? There are some women who actually like men to be men (I can hear the undies of the extreme feminists twisting into a serious bunch right now). I want a man to open doors for me. I want a man to see my walking with bags and offer to assist me. I want a man to give up their seat for me on the bus or train. I want a man to offer to fix things for me. I want a man to be the head of my household, to be an example for my future children, to protect me. Does that make me lazy? Does it make me old fashioned? Does it make me crazy? I don't think so. I know good and well how to be handy, and can fix and repair a good number of things in my apartment on my own, but just because I can does not mean that I want to all the time. I also believe that I could raise a child on my own, but just because I could does not mean that I would want to or that I should.

I miss the days when men could be men without the fear recrimination from women. I miss the days of men holding doors, pulling out chairs, giving up seats, and just being gentlemen. I miss the days of men bringing the car around or offering their jacket so you would not have to get wet up in the rain. I miss the days of men being men in the home. In this day and age a chivalrous man is a rarity. The older men who were raised right are dying out, and the generations following them are not being taught to be proper men.

The men of my generation and the ones that follow me know nothing of chivalry and being a man. They have not been taught to be a gentleman, and they have no examples of gentlemen around them to govern themselves by. They have been brought up in a society of females and dudes with no real ladies and gentlemen around to learn from. Go out and pick up any magazine especially those geared towards the "black" male youth and what do you see portrayed on the cover? Do you see upstanding men and women of the community? No you don't. There are rappers, and ballers, and random chicks who are NOT the example that the youth of today should be following after, but what else can we expect from a society that places more value on material worth than it does on class and character.

While I understand that to some extent the feminist movement was needed to address disparity and inequality once women entered the workforce, I believe that it was taken too far when it emasculated men.

I will now go and hide from the feminist who will no doubt be after my blood...SIKE!!