You Are NOT That Important!

I, like many if not most people these days, own a bluetooth ear piece. It comes in very handy when I need to multi task and don't want to run the risk of:

*choking myself with the wire from the traditional ear piece
*accidentally cutting the cord of the ear piece with the scissors I was using to open a box (this really happened and I was in the middle of a conversation)
*forgetting the ear piece was attached to the phone and walking away resulting in the phone being dropped

For as good as they may be, I do have one real serious beef with them...

People who wear them ALL THE TIME!!!!

WTTF!!!!

You are NOT that important... really...

I am sick and tired of seeing people with their ear pieces in all over the place. Let's be real shall we, unless you are a doctor who is on call all the time there is no need for that thing to be in your ear all the time. More often that not my ear piece is left at home. Truth be told I very rarely take or make calls on my cell phone during the day. I either text or people call me at my desk. If I do happen to bring it with me it is because I specifically intend to call someone while I am on my lunch break and out walking, or when I get off the train. In those cases, it stays turned off and put away until I am actually going to use it. What is the point of having it on while I am on the train (even though my train runs outside for part of my trip)? The train is loud, and even when I get calls on the train I tell whomever is calling that I am (duh) on the train and will call them back when I get off. It is like those people who take out there (insert pretentious phone or PDA device name here) on the train and start playing with it. WTF are you doing? You are on the train! You know good and well you are getting no signal and can't do a damn thing with the phone except have it out so people can see that you have one. Pretentious bougie douche bag that you are. Yeah I said it. (that is for those people who will point out to me that I myself own a PDA smart phone. Bite me all of you. I know when it is and is not appropriate to whip it out [pun fully intended])

My biggest annoyance I think comes with people who I see wearing them in church. Come the [censored] on now!!! Unless that is Jesus calling you on the royal telephone to glory GET OF THE [CENSORED] PHONE!!! To me that is the height of jackassery and pretentiousness. I have seen ushers, musicians, and even other ministers walk into the house of the Lord with the things still in their ears and mosey right on up to the platform. Again I say unless you are a doctor who is on call or some other type of emergency personnel or something you are NOT that important!!
I don't even walk with my own on a Sunday when I go to church because everyone who knows me knows that it is totally pointless to call me between the hours of 12 noon and 3pm. I am in church, it is loud (at least in my church... we are Pentecostal and Caribbean), and regardless of that I have the phone on vibrate anyway in case anyone forgets themselves and actually does call me.

I am not in anyway trying to knock the whole bluetooth hands free thing, it is a great idea. I just get overwhelming annoyed at the knucka knuckas (one of my dad's favourite sayings) who wear them all the time and in the most inappropriate places. Simple Bastards.

Church Folk

Let me preface this post by saying that I realize that "religion" is a hot button and sensitive issue for many people... I just happen to not care and will proceed anyway.

I CANNOT STAND "church folk"

I absolutely, with every fiber of my being, am upset by their existence in my reality. They are of the devil and need to go the way of the dodo (is that the correct spelling?) bird, or death row inmates in Texas.

By now some of you may wonder what I mean when I say "church folk". Those of you who are reading this and are regular Sunday worshipers will readily identify with this type of person and can probably name at least two or three of them in your own congregation.

"Church Folk" refers to the class of people who come to church not to worship and spend time in the presence of the Lord, but rather to put on a show for all to see.

Examples of common (in my sphere of experience) "church folk" characters include but are not limited to the following:

1. that person who sits up front EVERY Sunday and proceeds to try shout over whomever may be preaching, singing a song, or basically talking in anyway.

2. that person who feels it is their sole mission in life to "help" every person pray through their situation by grabbing them and proceeding to shout right in their ear as they are trying to worship.

3. that person who whenever "caught in the spirit" (usually every Sunday without fail during the song right as the minister comes to the pulpit) feels the need to do laps around the sanctuary/and or altar area.

4. that person who must make a noise to accompany every word out of the mouth of the speaker (see internal dialogue) by means of shouting, clapping, stomping, incessant tambourine banging (to the point of breakage at times), or baning on the drum set (with or without actual drum sticks).

5. that person that "catches the spirit" every Sunday (again usually during the song right as the minister comes to the pulpit) and proceeds to try knock over the pews, and or take out anyone in the immediate vicinity with their fists of fury (this can actually be rather entertaining at times to tell the truth).

6. that person who whenever there is testimony service gets up and proceeds to sing the 7 stanza song complete with full chorus and then give a 20 minute sermon on the goodness of the Lord and ends with the phrase "continue to pray my strength in the Lord." (the way I see it, if you can sing all that and then continue to talk, strength is really not an issue for you now is it?)


{Internal Dialogue}
ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!! I swear on all that I hold dear this is the most mind numbing, cringe inducing, violent incident causing behavior on a Sunday. The Bible does say to make a joyful noise unto the Lord, but that is not joyful, not by any stretch of the imagination. Why must you do that?!?!?! I mean come on, why does the sermon need a sound track or a back beat? Tito Puente you are not !!! What did that tambourine do to you that you had to repeatedly hit it so hard that the whole inside piece busted and parts were flying off hitting unsuspecting worshipers all in the eye and what not? And the drums?!?!?!!? You are NOT EVEN A MUSICIAN!!! WTF is the thought process behind banging on the drums (not actually playing because you don't actually know how to..)? And not in a gentle manner... oh no not that, but rather like the drums are a rude child that did something wrong and you are trying to beat the (insert appropriate color reference) off them. AND when the drum sticks are removed instead of taking the hint and stopping you proceed to bang the drums WITH YOUR HANDS ...WTFF (first "F" stands for flying) IS WRONG WITH YOU!??!?!?!?!?!?! That is not cool at all. Yes music is an integral part of praise and worship and the service at large, but did we leave common sense at the altar along with our burdens and troubles?

"Church folk" are becoming an epidemic, and something needs to be done to stop the spread of their madness. Let the revolution begin! Who is with me?!?!?!?!