So it is entirely possible that these may be the creation of photo shop... but who cares!?!? They made me laugh which in turn took my mind off of wanting to open up a can of whoop ass on some people, and/or stabbing them repeatedly with a rusty knife until they either died from blood loss or from the eventual infection. Enjoy!
ok this just amuses me for the simple fact that I would love to see it happen in real life.
this is what happens when the church tries to speak like the world. DON'T DO IT!! there is a reason why the church and the world need to stay separate! Remember we are in the world but not of the world. (but it sure is funny)
WTFF!!!! Seriously... I don't get it...
So who would have to pay the fine?
This one just makes no sense what so ever. Is the sign in the bottom left telling you to watch out for horny deer? WTF????
I have seen this ass backwards sign combo numerous times and cannot for the life of me figure out why no one seems to notice the contradictory nature of the signs. Further proof that the world is full of simple bastards.
"There are no dangerous sharks, just dangerous situations" ...
The quote above was made by the gentleman in the clip below.
Simple "let's go stand where the animals that are known to eat ANYTHING and can kill us are swimming about in mass quantities while wearing absolutely NO protection of any kind and see what happens" Bastard.
How was this not considered a "dangerous situation"?
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'you should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road, and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
Ok, so there are somethings that push my buttons and put me into a haze where I happily plot the downfall of others. However, sometimes in my rage I do a disservice to some people, and I am woman enough to admit when I cross lines and such. Case in point, I sometimes use the word "retarded" to describe actions and or people that I find to be ignorant, annoying, dumb, or just plain stupid. This however is not a good term to use as it does not reflect well on the population of people who genuinely do fall into that category.
So hence forth the use of that term in ire has been rescinded and will be applied solely to those who fit the clinical definition of the term, and in such context as is appropriate.
That does not however mean that I will stop calling people out for dumb ass behaviours. So to that end, people or things that I find to be ignorant, annoying, dumb, or just plain stupid will be referred to as simple bastards.
Ok, ok, so they are illegal, so what. Sometimes rules are meant to be broken if the cause is just and I believe that being able to tase the simple bastard tourists that screw up my time off for good behaviour is a just cause.
I travel. I go to other cities and countries, I have been and will continue to be at times a tourist. However as someone who works in a major city furthermore in an area that is a mecca for tourists (NYC: Times Square/Fashion District area), I have cultivated a deep respect for the locals. I am sick and tired of going outside on my lunch break with the anticipation of enjoying a nice walk, maybe some window or actual shopping, and just getting some air only to be met with this: Simple (ohhh wee y'all we's in da big city) Bastards BULLOCKS!!!! WTFF!!!!
My main beef with tourists is their inability to use common sense and make good judgments. They are loud, rude, pushy, and feel that everyone should pander to their whims as they are spending their precious dollars in our city and boosting our economy. While I may not be a native born New Yorker, let me offer what would be the common response of a native:
@#$& YOU, YOU DUMB@$% MOTHER@#%*$%. (this would probably be accompanied by particular hand motions) When faced with tourists I often fell like Lois Griffin in that episode of Family Guy where all the city folk (New Yorkers apropos) come to Quahog to see the leaves, and want to do to the tourists what Stewie did to Brian:
I know there are many people who would say that I should lighten up, that I should allow for the fact that people are often enthralled with the sights and for many it is the first time they have seen these sights and it is an awe inspiring thing. To those people I respectfully say BITE ME. You can be filled with awe without standing in the middle of the sidewalk blocking my path as you stare at the buildings (wtf? do they not have buildings where you come from?) and taking a million and one pictures. You can be filled with awe without gathering in large masses at corner impeding the flow of traffic as you try figure out where to go from your map instead of just asking someone. You can be filled with awe without you and your whole damn gaggle of loud ass children holding up the line in McDonald's as I am try to get my damn fries because your ignorant ass cannot figure out what the hell you want. It is freaking MCDONALD'S you ignorant bastard!!! The basic menu is the SAME damn it!!! A Big Mac here is the same damn thing where you come from too and yes the value meal comes with fries you simple bastard.
I had so much fun doing this yesterday that I figured why not make it a weekly thing. So here in no particular order is my list of Simple Bastards for the week:
Al Sharpton - Simple "man perm wearing, ignorance spewing, so NOT the voice of the black people" Bastard
Nancy Grace - Simple "dumb behind has no business reporting news and why do you look like that???" Bastard
Tom Cruise - Simple "couch jumping, Oprah scaring, done lost his damn mind" Bastard
Sting ray - Simple "Crocodile Hunter killing (I am STILL upset about that)" Bastard*
This Chick - Simple "you just made me throw up in my mouth with your nasty ghetto hot mess self" Bastard
Her Man - Simple "how is it that you can buy all the "ice" yet your dumb behind is still living in your momma's basement/on your momma's couch, hey baby can I holla atchu fu a minute, can't speak proper english, saggin pant wearing, nasty ass" Bastard
The week has a few more days to go. I may have to revisit and update this list.
*yeah yeah yeah.. whatever... I know it is not a person, but as it is my blog I can pretty much do and say what I want.
Estelle Getty, probably best known for her role as "Ma" Sophia, on Golden Girls passed away today at the age of 84.
A true screen gem, and in my mind a comedic genius.
Dorothy: Ma, what the hell are you doing?! (at finding Sophia standing naked in front of the fridge) Sophia: I'm giving the left-over meatloaf a thrill – what do you think I'm doing, it's hot as hell in here! Dorothy: Well, close it before the food spoils. Sophia: Okay. [covers herself] Dorothy: I meant the refrigerator
Thanks for the many years of laughter you gave us. You will be missed.
Thank you for being a friend Traveled down the road and back again Your heart is true You're a pal and a confidant
And if you threw a party And invited everyone you knew You would see the the biggest gift would be from me And the card attached would say THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND!!
