Cry Me A River

Of late my life has been pretty much ok. Hectic, but ok. I may not be exactly where I want to be in life, but I am getting there, and I know that I am not the person that I used to be.

So why are people from my past, people I have cut ties to, people I have made it CRYSTAL FREAKING CLEAR to that under no circumstances do I want anything to do with them, trying to talk to me?

Every person has a breaking point. The point at which they say screw it this is not worth it. That point for me was about two years ago. My life really sucked. I found out that the 28 years I had spent being a good kid, studying my behind off (a considerable effort cause I got a lot to work with), treating others kindly, turning the other cheek, and generally being a decent person were basically for naught. When the rubber hit the road the person that I had been to that point did not matter, the only thing that matter was the person everyone was willing to believe that I was. Things got ugly, and for a while I was done with people as a whole, church people in general, and certain people specifically. I wrote some people off because I realised that they were immature, selfish liars. Others were written off because I realised that they were not real friends. I made my choices, kept my head up, and move on.

So why is it that some of the people who were left behind are trying to catch back up? Why are they trying to talk now when the time for talking and speaking the truth came and went a long time ago? Why are they saying they don't want to be enemies anymore when by their behaviour they made it clear that we were never really even friends? Why do they pretend ignorance? Why do they want forgiveness yet don't admit to doing anything wrong? Isn't that a contradiction? Why are they asking for forgiveness if they don't think they did anything wrong? Is the guilt weighing too heavily on them? Are too many people asking questions that they can't answer?

Whatever the case may be, my response remains the same...

CRY ME A RIVER

I know that they say
That somethings are better left unsaid
It wasn't like you only talked to her (and all the rest of them) and you know it
(Don't act like you don't know it)
All of these things people told me (did you think I would not find out? you really are stupid)
Keep messing with my head
(Messing with my head)
You should've picked honesty
Then you may not have blown it (well you would have still failed but it would not have been an epic fail)
(Yea..)

You don't have to say, what you did,
(Don't have to say, what you did)
I already know, I found out from him (and her and a whole lot of others)
(I already know, uh)
Now there's just no chance, for you and me, there'll never be
(No chance, you and me)
And don't it make you sad about it

You told me you loved me (which was obviously bullshit good thing the feeling wasn't mutual)
Why did you leave me, all alone (actually I am happy that you did)
(All alone)
Now you tell me you need me
When you call me, on the phone (do me a favour and lose my number)
(When you call me on the phone)
Dude I refuse, you must have me confused
With some other gal
(I'm not like them baby)
Your bridges were burned, and now it's your turn
(It's your turn)
To cry, cry me a river
(Go on and just)
Cry me a river-er
(Go on and just)
Cry me a river

Would you like a tissue???

Chocolate Milk and Butt Burps

Happy Monday...

courtesy of my big sis and her hilarious children...

What Did You Say???

Enjoy!!

~The Laughing Auntie (after reading that...)

Proud Family

While we often disagree on things, and are basically complete opposites of each other, at the end of the day we will always be sisters, and my big sister is WAY cool sometimes. Check this out to see what I mean.

Fighting Amongst Ourselves

In response to this

1 comments:
Anonymous said...
Actually, I like your friend's hair (I'm another co-worker). I just wanted to tell you that white girls are awful to each other, too. I have a friend who is always pointing out what she doesn't like about herself (she'll poke her stomach out like a Buddha and say how fat she is). I told her that I try to never point out what I consider to be a flaw because maybe someone else hasn't noticed it. Once you mention it, though, they won't forget it. We also diss on the girl with the latest clothes, hair, significant other, etc. My 15-year-old niece is already using the b-word to describe girls she doesn't like. So, unfortunately, I think it is women in general who are our worst enemies. And, the men in our lives will only live up to the expectations we set for ourselves.

September 30, 2008 4:38 PM

A very good point is made here which is that the woman on woman bashing crosses all cultural, racial, social, and ethnic planes. Yet it still raises the questions of HOW? and WHY?

HOW:
How did we (the female gender collectively) end up this way?

There are many who would jump and say "it is the (inset appropriate colour reference here) man's fault", but really? Can men really be held responsible for how we see ourselves? for how we see each other? Honestly to me that is giving them far more credit than they deserve. How did we come from societies, cultures, and histories where the women were a strong, vital part of the family and community to where we are now?

WHY:
We are we (the female gender collectively) this way?

Why are we so competitive with and judgemental of each other? What are we fighting for? Seriously. Again, the knee jerk reaction is to blame men, but at what point do we take responsiblity for ourselves and our actions? Just because men call us bitches and hoes doesn't mean that we have to. Realistically the "change" is not going to start with the men, it has to start with us.

As the nurturers of society (and frankly I see NOTHING wrong with that) it is the women who shape the minds of the future generations so if we really want to effect a change in the way women are viewed within sociatal and family structures, then we need to put up or shut up. We want our men to change, well teach our boys how to be real men. We want each other to change, well teach our girls how to be real ladies.

Change starts from within... time to get those mirrors out and start taking a good hard look...

My Own Worst Enemy?

-----Original Message-----
From: xxxxxxxxxx
To: xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sent: Mon, 22 Sep 2008 11:52 am
Subject: advice


so, i've had my long hair for a few months now. . .my mom loves it, my
cousin & her daughter love it - these are people I trust to tell me, "yeah
that's cute or girl it's time to let that go". . . so it took me by
surprise this morning when a co-worker friend told me, out of the blue,
"you know, I think you should get a short curly bob, that would look cute
on you". . .so are you telling me I don't look cute now?? . . .and why say
this now and not when I first got my hair back in July?? I told her I like
long hair. I mean, you have seen me, what do i need with a curly bob -
i'll look like a freakin' clown!! Now, she started wearing a new wig to
work last week, cute little bob w/layers in the back. I even told her it
looked cute b/c it does.

Why do "we" have such a hard time complementing each other?? She's cool
and all but I'm leery of people who give you those backhanded compliments.
ok, thanks for letting me vent. :-) do you think i'm overreacting or have
you come across people like this??

-- CJ

I received the email above from one of my best girl friends and it got me thinking about the question she raised; why do "we" have such a hard time complementing each other? Why do "we" often tear each other down? Why are "we" often our own worst enemy?

By "we" I mean black women, women of colour, however you define yourself, but for the purposes of not wanting to write all of that every time, I will generically use the term black. (Feel free to take umbrage with that, note however that I will feel free not to care).

This will probably get me in a lot of trouble with many people (like I care) but I really have to wonder if the "plight" of the black woman is more our own doing than the fault of how others outside of the race/culture treat us. Everyone always wants to blame "the man" for how we are portrayed in the media, treated in relationships, and looked upon in society, but a lot of the blame needs to be laid at our own doorsteps because we are often the number one offenders.

How many times do you see a scenario such as this:

1. Group of ladies...wait.. scratch that.. a group of females (because ladies should/would not behave so poorly) are out at the club, decent guy tries to chat them up and they brush him off and generally disavow his existence. He moves along then goes over to someone else who does pay him attention and they start chatting it up and so on. Upon seeing this the females then proceed to talk all kinds of trash about her. Something along the lines of:

• girl look at her, she think she cute with her little (insert trendy designer here) outfit on...

• that's probably a weave or a wig or something she got on (don't bust on weaves and wigs people... seriously... now if it's a busted then go right ahead, but if it is tight and looking right well then put the hater aide down and STFU)...

• just cause she is caramel/chocolate/redbone/high yellow/short/tall/slim/curvy etc. she think everybody wants to talk to her

This is such a typical occurrence that it has basically become normative. Why is there such competition going on? What are we competing for? Seriously?

The whole concept of blaming "the man (black and white)" is pretty much ridiculous to me because really, who do you think they are learning that it is ok to treat black women that way from? Why should they treat us any particular way when they see us putting each other down and treating each other so badly?

Why should men not call us bitches and hoes when we call each other that ALL THE TIME!!!

Why should men respect us when we do not even respect ourselves?

Seriously females piss me off with that nonsense. Always the first to fuss and kick about how males in society treat them but not once does it occur to them that the males are sometimes only mimicking their own behaviour.

If women want things to change, if WE want things to change, then we need to do like Michael said and start with the [wo]man in the mirror. Stop looking to others to change their ways first and lead by example.

Floor-E-duh Sucks...

As a Met fan we are basically conditioned from the womb to handle massive disappointment...

We knew our bullpen sucked... we were prepared for the madness... we hoped for the best yet prepared for the worst..

In that respect they did not let us down..

They sucked just as badly as we expected them to... it just saddens me that Shea had to close its doors forever on such a sad note..

/begin rant...

I would like to publicly say that I will now and forever hate the Florida Marlins for the simple fact that they specifically said (for two seasons in a row now) that if they couldn't get into the playoffs then they would make sure the Mets did not as well.. now we did ourselves in with a horrible bullpen, that is true, but damn it have some freaking class Florida, if we had come into your stadium and it was the last game in a historic place and we were already out of the running then we would have at least had the freaking decency to play with class and let some sh*t slide...and just for that I am gonna root for the Rays because they are a better team anyway and currently the best thing to come out of Florida... bastards...

/end rant...

Monkey In The Middle...

it was a bullshit game as a child and is even more annoying when as an adult people try to play that type of "game".

I am not a mediator. You are an adult. You have issues with a person deal with it and leave me out of it.

Damn it.

I so loathe childish behaviour from supposed adults...

Murder is illegal but some days I think I could look real cute in an orange jumper...